Single Woman Self-Love: 5 Tips For Women In Their 30s

China Okasi

Before getting into a relationship, I constantly saw messages that would force single women to question: “am I worthy of love?” And I swore that it would be part of my mission to show single women how to love yourself unconditionally and teach some “single woman self-love!”

1. Understand your healing cycle.

Because so many single women have so many other women’s voices around them when they are suffering, it can be very easy to fall into advice that does not fit into your healing cycle (and make you question, “am I worthy of love?”).

You might be going through some particular struggle, whether romantically or financially or health-wise, or otherwise, and every one of these areas for you personally, has its own cycle of healing. If you really want to love yourself, give yourself some single woman self-love, and be there for yourself, the first thing you must do is understand your internal cycle of healing.

For example, it may take somebody else 3 days to get over a man, but it might take you 3 weeks, and that’s okay, as long as you understand and accept that 3 weeks is your cycle of healing. You may be asking, well, how do you know what your healing cycles are for various matters that may come up in your personal and professional life?

The answer is that, you have an idea of what your healing cycle must be, when you actually sit down and think about previous comparable incidents in which you have had to deal with similar situations. If you are suffering currently, or have suffered in the past, you have an idea of your tolerance level, you have an idea of what it might take to make you feel better. You also will have an idea of the healthy ways to get there and the unhealthy ways to get there. Loving yourself unconditionally means taking as long as it takes for you to get to where you’re going in the healthiest way possible.

Understanding and “doing” you is the foundation of “single woman self-love.”

2. Choose one good thing you’ve never done before, and do it every week.

Understanding yourself and knowing how to love yourself unconditionally, as we’ve discussed, is vital. Knowing your healing cycle is vital. But do you also know your challenge cycle? Do you know when it’s time to challenge yourself to do something new and different? Many people don’t. As a result, they fall into a slump of self boredom, a lack of single woman self-love, and a sense of disillusionment to be quite frank.

To help with this issue and boost up yourself, think of one beautiful or freeing or challenging new activity that you can do: something that you’ve never done before—and do it. Doing something new every week will prevent you from falling into easy slumps of boring routine and questioning: “am I worthy of love?”

Think of something new to do (that you’ve never done before!) each week, like one kickboxing class this week, one poetry reading next week, and so on—to enhance your outlook on life. You can even pick something free and knowledge-based, like learning a new skill on YouTube. Challenging yourself is one of the secret keys to loving yourself.

3. Stop comparing your achievements to those of others.

As you begin your journey of renewal, and acceptance, and self-love, you must be kind to yourself. You must also be honest with yourself. Doing so will require that you judge your progress according to your own life and your own story. You wouldn’t judge your progress in the art world, for example, by comparing your art to Picasso’s. No one can be Picasso except Picasso. And no one can be you except for you. So, don’t compare you to Picasso, and don’t compare anyone else to you. Walk your journey, live your best life. Learn how to love yourself unconditionally.

4. Become more comfortable with endings.

Everywhere we look, there are seasons and cycles: and if you’ve noticed, many of the tips we have discussed have tied life’s cycles to your self-love cycles. We discussed healing cycles, challenge cycles (i.e. challenging yourself to something new every week), and pacing your achievements according to your own progress, not Picasso’s nor anyone else’s. But perhaps one of the most important cycles to study and release are the cycles of ending.

There are some moments that are helpful to keep in your heart or mind for growth and development, and then there are some moments that require an ending. Loving yourself, i.e. having “single woman self-love,” means getting comfortable with letting go of anything negative or unproductive, that must end in your life.

Many times, we want to hold on, consult crystal balls, play games, try to entice, and keep things in life that are detrimental to our progress: that romantic interest whom you know will never work, that hurtful friend or family member who talks down to you and makes you feel badly at all times, that abusive job, that lazy behavior, that social media addiction that caused you to waste hours doing nothing, that poor spending habit, and other examples. Loving yourself means recognizing when moments have begun and when they have ended, and becoming comfortable keeping the healthy ones, and letting the unhealthy ones go. 

5. Stop telling yourself little lies.

Little lies are the ones you tell yourself when you don’t feel like picturing a better outcome, so you just say to yourself, “I can’t.” You might say: I can’t compete with the best person in my field, when in truth, you can absolutely compete—you just might be too scared to do so. You might say: I can’t leave a negative situation, when in truth, you can absolutely leave—you just might be too scared of the next steps. You are worthy. You are enough.

Or, you might convince yourself that you’re okay with a romantic interest who belittles you, ghosts you, refuses to return your calls, and disrespects you in a way you can’t be proud of, so you may tell little lies to yourself about how this person is really okay, when the person is absolutely not.

Good news, though! In silence, there is truth. Take a moment to be silent every night, and focus on the true desires of your heart, being as honest as possible about your goals, dreams, and capabilities. Try not to convince yourself of negative outcomes that will never happen, but rather of the capabilities inside you, which you can either choose to train, develop, and grow from—or forget, because forgetting feels more comfortable. Try to remember that you can, and you will, reach the peak of your unique gifts.

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